This weekend we traveled to Little Rock to the Arkansas-Mississippi State football game. One of the highlights of fall for me is traveling to the Little Rock games where we spend a little time with my family and my sister, dad, Jonathan and I go to the games. It’s our tradition and I love it. We ran into a good friend of ours, one we don’t see often but we have common ground way beyond football. She has invested 30 years of her life into children with disabilities. We have some great conversations. She has a pure love for individuals with Down syndrome and other disabilities. She has a true respect and a beautiful grasp of what all of it means. She was sharing about a family (no names involved) she had just met who had a baby with Down syndrome. Apparently some of the early tests showed a high risk for Down syndrome. A nurse told them the sex of the baby followed with a comment that they might not want to know this because if the test confirmed the “baby was a Downs, they would want to abort.”
This appalled our friend. This should appall us all. We shared with her some stories we have heard from families through the years. Many stories where health care professionals made such judgments and insensitive statements. Many people who have never even met a person with Down syndrome but they feel comfortable interjecting their own personal views on a family during an emotionally fragile time. We went on to share with her about the new prenatal tests that will be only a needle stick as early as 10 weeks into a pregnancy. Like us, she is not opposed to tests but she was truly shocked by the stories of how biased information is presented to families and how openly celebratory some seem about “eliminating” the Down syndrome population.
Dr. Brian Skotko had an op-ed on this very subject in USA Today last week. Under comments, this was posted by a reader: “just can’t imagine why with knowledge ahead of time one would allow the birth of a baby with any major mental or physical handicap to occur. You wouldn’t walk into a Best Buy and say, “Excuse me, I’d like to buy a broken television,” would you? So why would one allow a broken child to be born?” I had a prenatal diagnosis. There are days that I don’t like some of the things associated with Down syndrome. I make no secret that given a choice, I wish Rachel didn’t have Down syndrome. I did not say that given a choice, there would not be a Rachel. I had that option available. Even on the worst day, I would never want there to not be a Rachel. I hope you followed that. My question for the broken toy guy is this: What do you do with people who break after we get them here? Do we then start to determine that this person became addicted to drugs or alcohol so we need to get rid of them? This person was in a serious car accident and has brain damage and physical limitations now. Do we get rid of her? Perhaps we could also apply that to poor parenting skills and eliminate those who are substandard parents as well. There are lots of broken people in this world but most of the people I know who have Down syndrome can’t be included in that group.
For those of you who are Christ followers, a very wise friend said this to me in the early days of our knowledge that Rachel would be born with Down syndrome: “It is okay for you not to want her to have Down syndrome. That doesn’t mean you don’t want her and that doesn’t lessen your faith. Even Jesus told his Father, the creator of the universe, “not my will but yours be done” (Luke 22:42). With that, I will take mine with Down syndrome please.
Oh, while the examples of insensitivity anger me, this post really made me smile. I only wish everyone who feels the need to say the things those people have said could read this, and could one day be touched by disability in one way or another, most appropriately by meeting someone who changes their life for the better for having met them. Maybe one day…
A good mentor of mine has frequently reminded me “one day, one child, Jawanda.” I’m not really made that way. I want it today but she is right. I know people who meet and know Rachel and many others with Down syndrome and disabilities are touched and see life differently. Hey – I see it differently because of Rachel. Thanks for reading.
Love it! What a great post. I think you’re on to a new tagline – I’ll take mine with Down syndrome, please.
Guess I am too old to understand that way of thnking. In the first place you don’t compare a child with a television.
This is a great post. I have a big soft spot for people with Down syndrome. How anyone would choose to have no child over one with DS, I cannot fathom. Thanks for your transparency! I know it’s not the road any of us would choose, but man God is good, and seeing people like Rachel is such a reminder of that.
Loved this post. Love that tagline, and I say it times two. “I’ll take them with Down syndrome, please!”