This picture popped on my timeline. It made me smile as I remembered how Rachel, as the volleyball manager-team cheerleader, truly felt like a part of something . She belonged. The third level of Maslowe’s Hierarchy of Needs is Belongingness – love, friendship, intimacy, family, etc. In it’s basic form, it simply means that human beings need to feel a sense of belonging.

Rachel started her second year of college a few weeks ago. Her foray into post-secondary education has caused me to think more about the importance of belonging. In my world of Down syndrome and intellectual disabilities, we talk about belonging and meaningful inclusion a lot. Inclusion isn’t just sticking someone in a classroom. It is meaningful participation and not just in the academics. While academics are important, I would say those relationships you build, the camaraderie, the ability to navigate the ups and downs of groups and relationships, I would say those are just as important if not more so. I also know from my own circle of friends that those with disabilities aren’t the only ones looking for a place to belong.

I think back through my own life. Growing up, I was part of the 4-H club program. It impacted my life in such a way that I went on to work as a professional 4-H youth developmental agent with University Cooperative Extension systems. When I went to college, Baptist Student Union and University Baptist Church were two places I belonged. I still have girl’s weekend with the girls I met at Baptist Student Union 40 years ago.

As a mom, I think most of us look for our children to find a positive group where they feel they belong. I know moms of individuals with intellectual disabilities really struggle with this. Take a look at social media and see story after story where “my child is included in the general education classroom, but they are never invited to a play date, party or to be a part.” These experiences wound our souls.

I know that in our world, I worked very hard to facilitate Rachel’s inclusion in groups. When we moved to Kansas, I was concerned. Rachel found a great place to belong at Christian Youth Theater. Through their HEART (Helping to Encourage Awareness & Recognition in Theater) program that supports individuals with intellectual disabilities in inclusive theatre, our entire family made eternal friends. Some of Rachel’s strongest friendships and mentors came from CYT. Through CYT, our family found eternal friendships.

Then, she had the girls at our church. I know so many in the disability community have so much pain from church experiences. I have a few stories of my own. Some of the older girls in our church became became friends with Rachel and also role models. They would tell you they learned a lot from Rachel, too. I refer to Rachel’s same aged church group as “Best Girls Ever.” They were together from third to twelve grades, and they like and love each other. They treated Rachel the same, but they also understood when she needed help and how to respectfully support her.

At the beginning of today’s blog, I shared a picture from one of the best examples of belonging: Rachel’s experience as the Olathe South volleyball manager. I’ve shared before that following her transition to high school meeting, one of the high school team members, Ms. Fitz (Miss Rooney then) called me and wanted to know if I thought Rachel would want to be the freshman girls volleyball manager. She said it would give her a built in group where she could belong. Boy, was she right. If you want more details, I wrote this blog about that – “Volleyball, Inclusion, Awareness and Acceptance.”

Rachel had a group she belonged to that embraced and watched out for her. Ms. Fitz also became more that the volleyball manager and case manager, she and Rachel became friends. The girls hashtagged her #bestmanagerever. Some of the girls went on to be the girls who included her in their homecoming and prom groups. She still gets together with some of them when everyone is home from college.

When Rachel started college back in January, I told her that I hoped she would make friends like I did when I went to college. She knows my college girlfriends. I have prayed that for her. She goes to a campus ministry and has a church she loves. I sense she feels like she belongs but beyond the weekly events, she isn’t very involved. Knowing Rachel as I do, she wants the full experience. That’s not a knock on those places or the people. Rachel can’t transport herself places and that becomes an even bigger challenge at college. It’s not that she’s intentional left out, it’s that people don’t think about it.

Right now she’s trying to find that place where she belongs, where she is meaningfully included. I appreciate and applaud those who are trying to help her and many others find a place to belong. It is my hope and my prayer that those who have the power to remove barriers, to create new opportunities for Rachel and others will do just that. For example, she wants to be a part of a sorority. However, the rules say you must be a degree-seeking student, and Rachel and the other Bear POWER students are non-degree-seeking. Wouldn’t it be great if we approached such challenges with an attitude of “how can we make this work” instead of using barriers to say all the reasons you can’t do something?

I’m still hopeful though. Forty years from now, I hope Rachel can say that she’s off to a girls weekend with the girls from her place of belonging.